Women Rising: The Power of Assertive Communication

“This is your dance space. This is mine. You don’t go into mine, I don’t go into yours.”

Dirty Dancing (1987)

This line offered the starting point for our conversation at our most recent community event, where we explored the assertive communication style.

Did you know that many of us associate assertive communication with a more aggressive approach? In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Being assertive means being clear, respectful, and direct at the same time, which is the best recipe for healthy communication.

It seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? It all goes back to being honest and setting clear boundaries.

Assertiveness isn’t about being aggressive or dominating a conversation. It is about being able to say clearly what you need while also saying “no” in the process. It is the balance between self-respect and mutual respect.

But if it’s so simple, why is it so hard?

Firstly, we can relate to our very own cultural differences. In some countries, we were taught that saying “no” is a sign of disrespect or that we should feel guilty about it.

Secondly, we are afraid of offending anyone, or of conflicts. We are choosing harmony over honesty.

However, harmony and honesty can beautifully co-exist as long as, according to one of our speakers, Liz Parsons, we remember to

* Only use “I” statements when discussing how a situation made us feel. We are not looking to blame anyone.

* Focus on what we see. We choose clear facts over assumptions.

* Speak in a calm tone and with open body language. We want to invite others to feel comfortable and safe and to be able to speak their minds as we navigate the conversation.

* Be clear, concise, and direct.

* Be willing to be comfortable while navigating uncomfortable situations and discussions. It may not look easy initially, but eventually, the conversation will gain a more neutral ground.

Being assertive also means sharing expectations and ownership, especially when it comes to emotional mental load. Our second speaker, Alexandra Neves, introduced us to the concept of a “Minimum Standard of Care (MSC)”.

In simple terms, it is about a shared agreement on what “done looks like.” Whether it’s household chores, emotional support in times of crisis, or simply planning entertaining activities, the MSC helps define expectations so no one feels alone in the process. Things get easier when we know we are not the only ones carrying the weight, when we feel seen and supported. We become a team, sharing the load and the joy.

When we find the courage to speak clearly and learn each other’s rhythm, we replace misunderstandings and resentments with respect because “it takes two to tango”, but only if we are willing to listen to the same music.